I’ve kept it locked away
In a prison with walls made of bone
Buried under all the good memories.
But even I can’t keep it from surfacing
It seeps through my skull like acid
Burning its way through all the other memories,
Even the happiest ones
It burns at the roots
And it makes me want to pull my hair out
It drips down my skin, leaving burning trails behind it.
My lips feel like they are on fire
As It seeps into my mouth
I clench my jaw
Trying not to say it.
As if remembering it wasn’t enough torture
This memory tries to make me tell its story
By dancing around my tongue
Itching for me to talk about it
The toxic memory fills my ears
Remember me?
The one you supress the most?
Remember me.
Speak of me.
Let me out!
I think of the first time
I tried Ben and Jerry’s Double Fudge Brownie ice cream
I think of the first time
I liked a painting
I think of the time
I first heard “No surprises”
The only Regina Spektor song I had never heard
And I think
About how much I loved it
I remember how quietly haunting it sounds
I remember how calming it sounds
I remember how every note sounds
Like they’re slowly approaching something
That they don’t want to see them
And suddenly the toxic memory
That was eating away at me
Burning me alive
Screaming to be heard
Was gone.

It wasn’t easy

For national poetry writing month I decided to try writing poetry. I thought that since short stories were easy to write, then maybe poetry would be the same. I was wrong. I didn’t really enjoy the finished products of the three poems I’ve written, but I decided to upload them anyway. At least somebody else might enjoy them, even if I didn’t. So this first poem is one of the darker poems I’ve written. I didn’t try to rhyme or anything fancy, I just tried to tell a story I created in my head on the bus. Enjoy.

It was easy
Breathing, blinking, sleeping.
Even when she was physically broken,
It was all easy.
With the slightest movements of her wrist, she could illustrate it.
It was this beautiful combination of the thoughts she enjoyed
And her open world.
Without even knowing it,
She was leaving a space in each picture.
Then the rain poured down
And there was enough water to create an ocean.
It swept away everything in her illustrations
Except for the empty space.
It wasn’t easy.
Breathing, blinking, sleeping.
Her breaths turned to yawns
Her blinking left her eyes closed
She slept because there was nothing left for her
Except for the empty space.
The space seemed like a nothingness.
It was just invisible.
She felt an uncomfortable sensation
of something beneath her skin
The strings emerged from within
And took control of every nerve.
They picked up her wrist
And forced her to illustrate.
Her creations weren’t controllable
Her creations weren’t enjoyable
Her creations were the empty space.
The invisibilty faded away
and the image of walls knocked her over
These walls grew and broke through the canvas
They trapped her and confined her
Like a spiders web, but webs have holes
Like a house, but a house can become a home
Like a fence, but a fence can be jumped
She didn’t try to escape
She didn’t see the purpose
It wasn’t easy
Helpless, hopeless, worthless
She just slept
Because being awake meant she had to do something
She didn’t want to do anything
Even when she wasn’t physically broken
She couldn’t do anything
Then the ocean receded
Then the walks became invisible
The strings began to loosen
But it was all an illustration
She still felt the same
Numb, unconscious, dead
It was easy

Word count: 392

Good vs bad

What is the best thing about life? What is the worst? What if there were only good things in the world, and nothing bad existed. Well, that’s impossible.

World peace will never exist. There will always be bad things because good and bad are relative terms. “The way I see it, is every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things dont always soften the bad things, but vice-versa, the bad things dont always spoil the good things and make them unimportant”-the doctor. I love this quote not only because its from the greatest tv show ever, but also because it speaks about good things and bad things like the yinyang symbol. You cant have one without the other. There is no definite definition of good and bad, because they are dependant on each other. If you had a really good day, it’s because you have had bad days in the past. People seem to think that it’s possible for everything to be good, but it’s not. The turritopsis nutricula jellyfish can cycle from a polyp, to an adult, and back to a polyp all over again, as many times as it needs, with no natural cause of death. Essentially, these jellyfish can live forever. Their lives are a constant stream of good and bad things. These bad things may not be as bad as the problems we have, but compared to the good things that also happen to these jellyfish, the bad things are still bad.

As I mentioned earlier, humans think that a perfect world could exist, but we will never end world hunger, poverty, or crime. The government is like the weather. There will always be good sunny days, and then there will be hurricanes. Typically humans over react when something bad happens. When a teenage girl loses her cell phone, it is the end of the world. But there can be worse things. You could have a terminal illness. Life is what you make of it so if you are constantly sad or angry this is most likely because you are looking at your situation the wrong way. You’re going to have bad days, but not all of your days will be bad. You’re also going to have good days, but not all of them will be good.

I think it’s unfair to call people, dogs, or any creature good or bad. One of my previous high school teachers once asked the class (law academy) if we thought all people were born bad, or evil, or if we thought all people were born good. This is one of those philosophical school of thought questions that gives a choice between two extremes. Like a lot of questions in philosophy, I try to answer somewhere inbetween the two extemes. I do not think that humans are born evil, but I don’t think they are born “good”. I think we are all born with the capability to be good and bad, and our actions depend on our environment and life experiences. For example, a lot of people think that pitbulls are bad dogs. However, pitbulls can be very sweet and great companions, and they are very intelligent. Pit bulls can act out and become aggressive and dangerous because of a bad environment, such as a cruel owner, who puts their pit bull in dog fights. People aren’t completely bad or good because of their actions either. Someone may have murdered three people, but that doesn’t make them completely bad. Their actions are bad, but there is a chance for them to have good behavior again. Likewise, a person isn’t completely good because they donate half a million dollars to charity. There is still a chance for them to do bad things, such as murder. These two extremities, good and bad, cannot exist without the other, and they can’t be used as labels. Sometimes, I think we use these words too much.
Word count: 661

What time is it?

The concept of time is one of those that when I think of it, I can’t help but laugh internally and think “oh silly humans”. Time is a term that was created by humans, much like reality (check out my post on reality). Of course days and minutes passed by before humans created the term “time”, but they weren’t called days and minutes. I think that time is interesting because of why and how we use it.

I wonder if the first humans felt each second like we can. We know each second feels like just a moment, like the snap of a finger. Did the first humans feel each second, or know what a moment is? They obviously had different terms or thoughts for “second” or “moment”. But did time feel differently to them? Or did they feel time at all? *This is one of those times when I really wish I had a time machine or a T.A.R.D.I.S.*

When did time start? Everything has a beginning. Our planet, galaxy, and stars have all had beginnings. So when did time start? What existed before time? I wonder what a place without time would be like, if it was possible for such a place to exist. However, I know what it feels like to not feel time. We all experience a time-less trance every night when we sleep. When I wake up I have no idea how much time has passed without looking at the clock. Would a literally time-less place feel like sleeping? We also experience a time-less state before and after we live. Before I existed I had no recollection of time, because I didn’t exist. After I die I will have no idea how much time has passed because I wont exist (I don’t believe in an afterlife). Non-existence is a state or time that is stateless and timeless.

A world without time *seems* impossible. My classes run on a time-interval schedule, a car’s speed relies on time, and I need time in order to make microwave popcorn. I think we use time to keep order in our lives. If we didn’t use time as a measurement then we would have a lot of problems. Life without time would be utter chaos, unless we just slept the entire time. In that case, there wouldn’t be much to life. Humans were very smart to use time from the beginning. Because of our use of time as a measurement, we can record and recall history, which I think is extremely important.
What if time just stopped? I don’t think we would even know. If time stopped then our brains would stop working. We would probably die. The earth would stop spinning, thus ripping everything from it into the atmosphere. Life would not be possible. But what if we could stop just time, and skip the affects it would have. In other words, what if you could stop everything that is happening in your life right now? What would you do?

How do we know what time it is? My watch says 11:43 AM, but how do I know that that is the time? Time is relevant, or at least in the way that we use it. Speaking scientifically, time goes on and happens regardless of humans. But time ,in the way that humans use it, is dependent on a few factors. Where you live is a determining factor of the time. Right now it is 7:48 PM in Dubai, and it’s a Thursday. However, it is 1:48 AM in Brisbane Australia, and it’s a Friday. You could “go back in time” if you traveled from Australia to Florida, but only numerically. The events in the life of an Australian cannot change simply by flying across the world to a different time zone. So what time is it right now? Well my watch says 11:53, but my time is in between classes. This afternoon is not only going to be 2:30, but it will also be time to meet with my counselor. I live in two different times. One is my life time and one is the numerical time.
What time is it for you?

Word count: 690

Up in flames

The vibration of his cell phone woke him up abruptly. He had a red spot on his forehead where he sank cranium first into his wooden desk for the past hour and a half. He grabbed his time sheet that was stuck to his face and clocked out with giddiness. As soon as he stepped out of the old-as-dirt building he felt free. He looked down at his scratched leather shoes and tried to remember. What was it that was pulling him out in all directions? It wasnt home, nor food that he was looking for. This was something that he looked for everyday. If it was so vital to his existence, how could he forget? The fuzzy red glare of a traffic light in the corner of his eye caught his attention. He stared at it for a second or two before a cyclist cursed as he almost knocked him over.

The man decided to go to his apartment until he as fully awake. He spent about three minutes trying to decide which key opened the same rusted lock to the same ugly, orange apartment door that he opened every day. As soon as he walked through the door he felt a  drop of water right under his eye. He reached a hand up to touch his skin, when he felt another drop running down his cheek. Utterly confused, he craned his neck towards the ceiling. Not a single water stain or drop formed on his ceiling. Surely something must be leaking. He shuffled into the next room and caught a glimpse of his reflection in the mirror. The sun threw a glare at the mirror that blinded him if he looked straight towards it. He sunk to the ground in order to see his reflection in normal lighting. All it took was A drop of water strolling down his face for him to realize he was crying. He didnt feel like he was crying, and his eyes looked tired, but normal. He leaned closer towards the mirror to catch a closer look, when he noticed his skin was slowly starting to droop. Wrinkles began to plague his skin and tears started streaming out of his eyes even faster now. He was growing older by the second and his flesh began to decay around his bones. He tried to breathe but he couldnt remain calm. Panic set in and he shrieked in fear. He grabbed his face and his reflection returned to the same boring image he saw everyday. He pushed off from the ground and lept though the doorway. Without bothering to put on a pair of shoes, he sprinted down the stairwell of his apartment complex.

He finally remembered. A dozen ordinary eyes gave him looks as he sprinted by. He felt as if something huge was chasing him. If he ran any faster he would make small earthquakes on the concrete. His mind has never been so consumed by one thing. It ate at the edges of his brain, working towards the center. If this thing ever made it to the center then there would be no end. he threw open the old-as-dirt doors with all the strength he had. He hesitated for a moment, but then summoned all the air that he had from his lungs, and released a very loud and echoing “I QUIT”.

All typing, printing, gossiping, and internal crying had paused. All the tired, sad eyes of his co workers looked up from behind their glazed over stares at computer screens. He kicked the nearest chair over, threw an old green lamp, and flipped a desk, all within a few moments. He glanced over and saw the old man who grumbles at him every day. He jumped on top of the old man’s desk with his bare feet, and snatched up the old man’s cold black coffee. He then proceeded to pour the disgusting liquids all over the man’s poorly crafted toupee. He laughed in a wheezing and delirious manner. He decided his next revenge would be on the middle aged woman who always snickered at him for tying his tie incorrectly. He hopped ontop of her scanner and pressed the green print button as soon as his butt situated directly on top of it. A couple dozen images of his rear end started coming out of the printer. He grabbed the warm sheets of sweet revenge and stapled a couple to the back of her floral blazer. “KISS THIS!” He ran so fast out of the office that he felt as if he was floating.

For the very last time, he threw open the old-as-dirt doors. He stopped at the sidewalk and paused. He looked down and started laughing uncontrollably at his bare feet. The glare of the crosswalk sign in the corner of his eye snapped him out of his mood. The sign glowed with an orange walking stick figure. After making it to the other side he turned around. He took one last look at the building that he wished he could set fire to. He never realized how beautiful the sunset looked as it reflected off of its dirty windows. The glare from the giant setting star caused the glass to look as if it was actually in flames. He felt deep satisfaction at the sight of this.

Word count:890

True Happiness

I felt an immense pressure pushing me even further into the asphalt. It was as if someone had laid a car on top of me, and it caused my ribs to cave in. I opened my scathed eye lids to see the world tilted on its side. Everything was stretching out, never ending from side to side, and there was no up or down. The blood trickling down into my eye caused me to lift my head. Everything started spinning, but I had no choice but to keep going. I looked down at my feet, wiggled my toes, and made an attempt to stand. There were so many burning areas on my body that I couldn’t help but wince and let out a cry. I took just a few steps and collapsed to the right, where an old speed limit sign stood, crooked and spray painted. I grabbed onto the sharp edges of the sign, and used it to support my weight. Just beyond this highway were a small field and a dried up river. I had to make it there, because it had the one thing I was looking for. I trudged over the broken up street. The wind started picking up and blew something right into my face. I had to peel it off because it was sticking to the blood. I held before me a piece of faded, and now blood stained, piece of blue paper. It faintly read “burn calories, try Fatcutslim pills!” Who knew that a dietary pill would cause all of this? As if right on cue, a strike of pained shocked me in my core, and I screamed out. I fell forward and began shaking uncontrollably. The cries erupting from inside of me echoed against the cold, dead buildings behind me. The window panes hadn’t showed a reflection of any human in just over a year. The belittling structures no longer held a purpose; therefore they became giant spears of garbage that just stood in the way of me seeing the sky.

I must have been drifting in and out of consciousness because I was suddenly standing at the field, with no clue as to how I got there. As the waves of pain escaped me there was a rush of something else that overcame me. It was a feeling that I forgot was real. After losing this feel for so long, it became a sort of myth, or a story I liked to tell inside my head. It was a feeling that I could never describe, even when everything seemed so describable. Before this I would wake up feeling content in a crisp white shirt, in a fresh-smelling wooden home that captured light in every corner. Even then, when my mind was healthy enough to define anything, I couldn’t describe this feeling. Now, I finally saw it. The thing that I bled for, the thing that would constantly be running through my mind, even when I was unconscious. My vision became blurred with salty tears. Here I was, standing in the small field, looking at it that stood only ten feet away from me. I wheezed as a struggled for air. The feeling was so overwhelming that it grabbed my heart and lungs and constricted them. I tried to laugh as I cried, but I just sounded like a squeaking drunk man, uttering inaudible words. I can’t believe it. I must be dehydrated or something, this has to be an illusion. This is the thing I have survived for.

I took a step towards it, when I felt a sudden feeling in my back. It was like pain, but so much worse. I didn’t have time to think about it, because it pushed me face down to the ground. My body froze as the feeling spread throughout me. It tore at my flesh and shredded my nerves. A wet and leather-smelling shoe kicked me in my bicep, rolling me over to face the sky. This was the first time I had seen a cloud in – well I would say a long time, but I have no clue how much time has passed. The figure loomed over me, but it became less shapely within seconds. The outline of the person faded and blackness spread across my vision. It completely devoured me. I tried to grab the ground and move, but my body was completely numb. The only thing left of me was that feeling. The indescribable feeling, in the end, made more of an impact on me than dying. This feeling was true happiness.

Word count: 760

The switch

Imagine you are in a room. The only thing in the room is a switch. You can either flip the switch up, causing man kind to stop existing, or you can flip the switch down, leaving man kind to continue on its course. There is no way out of the room, so you have to choose to flip the switch up or down. Which do you choose?

At first glance, this sounds crazy. Why would you ever want to end man kind? Why wouldn’t you?

First, let’s address why leaving man kind to continue on its course is a wise decision. As far as I know, we are the only humans. I think it’s impossible for there to be other humans somewhere out there. In addition, humans are the only species that we know of, that are studying the universe. You wouldn’t want to destroy such a rare species, would you? We also have a bright future ahead of ourselves. If you’ve ever taken a history class, you would know that humans have come a long way in a very short period of time. In the small span of our existence, we have discovered fire and dark matter. We’ve invented the wheel and quantum computers. The future of mankind holds so many more brilliant discoveries and inventions. As far as we know, we are the most intelligent species. It would be devastating if the entire species simply stopped existing.

If you wish to go about your day life believing that what I have said about is true, and nothing else, then stop reading here. Spoiler alert: the next paragraph might change how you look at humans.

Genocide, destruction of the atmosphere, and responsibility for extinction of many plant and animal species, are all things that humans carry. The earth was teeming with life and thriving prior to the human species. Now, we are the reason why over ninety percent of all threatened species are on a cliff, about to be pushed over into endangerment. We kill beautiful rhinos for their horns, robbing them of what makes them incredible and unique, and we have left only 29,000 rhinos in the wild. This number accounts for all the rhino species. We are responsible for the brutal murder of about 6 million individuals of our own species, because of their religious views. 6 million Jewish people were killed because of what they believe in, what makes them different, and what was a freedom. Because of humans burning fossil fuels and clear-cutting forests, the earth is becoming hotter. The icy homes to various animal species are melting, and there’s no where they can go. Holodomor, world wars, racism, destruction of rainforests, ban on gay marriage, biological warfare, and slavery, are just a few things I can name off the top of my head that humans are responsible for. If we have done all of these terrible things in the past, and still continue to do them, why wouldn’t you wipe out the human species and leave earth in peace?

I, personally, would flip the switch down. I would leave mankind alone to continue existing. Firstly, it would be hypocritical to kill the human species, after complaining about humans killing each other. But the reason why I would let humans live is much bigger than hypocrisy. I don’t believe humans exist for a reason. I don’t think humans have a purpose, or a meaning. But I do believe that humans have a capability. We are capable of so much more than what we have shown. I am disappointed in humans, but I believe that because of our bright and shiny minds, we can become a better species. We can make a purpose\meaning for ourselves. We can puff our chests out, wear capes, and declare “we are humans! Protectors of the earth and each other!” This would be extremely hard to do, but I think humans can use their brains for good, rather than bad. This is not to say that we can achieve world peace, because we can’t, but we can become less destructive.

How would you flip the switch?

Word count: 689

The light at the bottom of the well

He was flying high enough that you could only see him if you took a staircase to the sky. The raven didn’t have a reason to fly low. He soared as high as he wanted to. The afternoon sun reminded him that it’s time to find something to eat. He was never an early bird because all the other birds were always scoping out the parking lots in the early morning, and he didn’t like to socialize. He preferred to fly as far away from all the other birds as possible, in order to keep his mind from distractions. He ever so slightly turned his wings and began his decent. He loved to feel space around his wings where he could move freely. A large parking lot looked like a cloud from the sky, the way that clouds look from parking lots, distant with edges. He dropped even faster towards the parking lot, beginning to pick up speed. He heard the wind whistling loudly and becoming pressurized around him, when suddenly there was no wind. Something grabbed onto his left leg and it acted like a brick wall, stopping him with full force. All he could see was the ground about 20 feet below him. There was no sky in his vision, for the first time. He shook his wings and legs but he couldn’t move much further. He just bounced around as if he was being held by a rubber band. It was actually a power line that restrained him and held him prisoner. How he could have possibly become stuck in a power line, he doesn’t know. Maybe it was the loud booming sound that freedom made, that made him deaf to his surroundings. Surely another bird would see him and come and cut him free. Unfortunately for the raven, no other bird was to be seen, because all the other birds are early birds. He dangled from the power line, upside down, until he couldn’t see any more shadows cast on the ground below him. It was completely dark and he didn’t know if it was because the sun had simply set, or because he was dead. Regardless, he didn’t like his position. There was no freedom, no sky, and no circulation to his foot. About 20 minutes later, a firefly buzzed past him. It was singing a song.

“Oh how do you do my lovely night sky? I’m here to become your eye! With my shining light you’ll see, everything the sun can see. You won’t feel lonely anymore, with my light you’ll become so much more than you hoped for!”

The raven rolled his eyes at the naive bug. He tried to close his eyes and sleep but the annoying light from the bug kept shining in front of his lids. He opened his eyes to see the bug about 2 centimeters from his face, staring at him with a juvenile smile.

“Well! You look unhappy!”

“Why shouldn’t I be? I’ve lost all of my freedom. It’s the only thing I live for,” replied the raven.

“Well don’t you want me to set you free? I can most certainly do that!”

“No you can’t, you’re just a bug. I eat things like you for breakfa- ah uh I mean lunch.”

“Well I can do anything. I’ve been given a gift from the sky. I illuminate the world for him, and he gives me power beyond your control in return.” The bug sang as slightly shimmied from side to side.

“Can you please stop saying well?”

“Nope. I got honey stuck on my wings one day and, well, I just couldn’t fly as well. I fell down a well and got stuck. While I was at the bottom of the well I thought I was going to cry because I couldn’t go anywhere, just like you. Well, the sky lifted me up with its awesome powers and now I’m just so thankful for that well. That well showed me not to take things for granted. And well, now I can’t stop saying well.”

The raven just stared at the bug in disbelief.

“Well ok then, bug bye!” Said the fly as he buzzed away.

“Wait! Well hold up a second!”

“Yes…?” The bug grinned.

“Can you please set me free? I miss my sky, my freedom, and my silence.”

“Yes but on one condition, well, two actually.”

“Sure yes, whatever”

“You must never take your freedom for granted, and you have to promise you won’t eat me”

“I promise” said the raven with a long awaited exhale.

The bug then proceeded to fly away, singing his song.

“Wait! Where are you going?”

“I’m working my magic!” Said the fly, still shimmying.

The raven was furious that he was leaving and started to panic. What if that fly is just a liar and never comes back? He thrashed from side to side and lunged after the fly, when suddenly he felt a great pain. He started falling towards the ground at a high speed when he realized that he was released. He started to fly but he kept leaning to one side. The raven only then realized that he lost his leg, which was still attached to the wire. The raven started to cry as he flew up towards the sky with just one leg. He didn’t care if he only had one leg, because he didn’t need a leg to fly. He kept ascending into the sky until he looked down and saw that the clouds look like parking lots, distant and with edges. He kept flying.

Word count:981


If you jump off of the tallest building in the world, die, and there are millions of people who witnessed it, did the event really happen? How do you know it happened? What is real?

Reality is tricky to define. The dictionary defines it as the world or the state of things that actually exist. That’s one of the worst dictionary definitions I’ve ever heard. I tried googling the worst dictionary definition, but I kept getting results for the definition of the word worst. Anyways, the definition was created by a human, like the idea of reality. Before humans there was no “reality”. We created the idea and its definition. So if the idea of “reality” was totally made up, then what’s the point of pondering what it really is? Well, I am really interested in human thoughts. I think that people and their thoughts are incredibly interesting because they’re unpredictable. I also like how human have thoughts about how unpredictable other humans thoughts are.

The English word Reality comes from a French word meaning “the quality of being real” (I didn’t type the French word because I don’t have accent mark keys). The problem with that definition is that it uses the word “real”, which is defined as an adjective used to describe something that “actually exists”. So how do we know something actually exists? These definitions are all running in circles and can’t give us a thorough definition.

Since reality is a term that was created by humans, then there is no reality. Cats weren’t created by humans, so they exist regardless of how we define them. “Love” didn’t exist before humans because we created that too, so it exists based on our definition of it. If reality is “real”, then what is fake? I guess most people would define reality as something that they experience. To most people, the day that we are living right now is reality. And to most people, days that occur in movies and stories aren’t reality, they’re “fake”. Based on this I would assume that most people imagine something “fake” to be something a human created. When I think of reality I think The Truman Show. This is the second time I’m mentioning this movie on my blog because I just really love this movie. If you’ve never seen it, then I will break it down. Truman is a human that has been placed inside a fake world by a man named Kristoff. (I think that’s how you spell it.) Basically everything in the world was placed there on purpose. His neighbors, co-workers, and wife are all actors. The sky in his world is actually a wall (like a dome) but Truman never gets close enough to the wall because he is scared of water, and he lives on an island. And his whole life was broadcasted 24/7 on TV ever since he was a child for the entertainment of people in the “real” world. Seriously if you haven’t seen the movie, go watch it. I’m sure it’s on Netflix. The reason why I always think of this movie is because it portrays the “real” world as one like were living in now, and the “fake” world as something created by a man. I think this is the best way to portray reality. Reality is completely subjective. The only reality we know is the one were in right now. Until something happens to prove that this is not reality, then we have to accept that this is all there is.

Here is an interesting thought. To all of those who are religious, particularly Christians, did God create a fake world for you? I am not religious (if you haven’t already guessed), so I don’t know a whole lot about the theory of god creating man. But if God did create man and the world we live in with all of its creatures, then is this reality? It sounds a lot like Truman’s world. In theory, we and everything we know was created by God. If your God created all of this, then what is outside of what he created? I suppose Christians would say that there is nothing outside of God’s creations because he is all-powerful and all-knowing. But how can there be nothing? This train of thought is going back to my ” ” post so I’m going to end it here.

Let me know what you think! I’d love to hear from any religious readers on your opinions. Also, I’ve changed the look of my blog so everything is a bit more aesthetically pleasing. On one last note, I plan on posting another short story soon, maybe even tonight. I’ve had some good feedback on my first posted short-story so I think I will continue to upload them.

Word count: 850

Atoms and Eve

I think that we generally look at the world around us as a whole without awareness of why we do this. When I wake up in the morning my first thoughts are “what am I going to eat for breakfast” and other groggy and dim thoughts until I get some tea or coffee. This is how most of us go about our day, focused on the big picture. Only recently did I realize that life has so many more details than breakfast foods and my daily thoughts.

I am made of water, organs, bones, etc. These things that I am made of are made of even smaller things like atoms, and even atoms are made of smaller particles. When I wake up in the morning and invade my kitchen for breakfast, I am actually just a myriad of atoms moving extremely fast across a surface made of other atoms, in search for other little bunches of atoms to consume. It is just mind blowing that I am a specific collection of atoms out of billions of other collections of atoms. I am specifically unique because of the atoms that I am made of. If we could count all of the atoms that make up just the human species, how many would there be? That’s a lot of atoms.

These particular particles that are typing this blog are on a mission. I, a group of atoms, am determined to live a full life, and accomplish my goals. These busy buzzing atoms are working together to become a zookeeper. Somewhere out there in the billions of other collections of particles is a group of busy buzzing atoms that are working together to become a scientist, to study atoms and particles. So there are actually atoms studying atoms. I hope I’m not the only group of atoms that finds this extremely ironic.

If we are all made of just tiny particles in space, then why do we kill each other? We do absolutely nothing beneficial, as atoms, by killing each other. Taking the life out of a group of particles doesn’t change your particles; you remain the same group of atoms in space. If we are all just tiny particles in space, then why do we love each other? Why does one group of particles want to spend their entire existence with another random group of particles? It is absolutely pointless for a group of atoms to love another group of atoms. And why is it ok for some atoms to dictate whom certain atoms love? If we are all just groups of tiny particles, then why should it matter if two groups of atoms, who make up two bodies of the same sex, love each other? It shouldn’t matter, were just atoms.

If were just random groups of atoms, then why should it matter if your shoes don’t match your top, or if you fail a test, or if you go to bed hungry every night. If we are all going to die someday, then the in-between shouldn’t matter. It all matters, though. Who would want to live approximately 78 years, thinking that nothing matters?

Our atoms allow us to ignore these thoughts. The atoms in our brains give us the ability to ignore these microscopic thoughts. These atoms allow us to live our lives with the option of loving and killing. Our atoms allow us to ignore the fact that we are just atoms, so that we can live our human lives. If we are just atoms then happiness shouldn’t matter. But because we are humans and we only have so many years to live, we ignore the fact that we are groups of particles and we try our best to achieve happiness, and we generally aren’t even aware of this.

I hate the term “the meaning of life” because I don’t think life has a “meaning”. However if I had to say there was a “meaning” of life, I would say that it is to make our lives whole, from start to finish. The only way to make your life a whole is to do the human thing, and look at everything around you, including you, as a whole, and not just particles. To make your life whole you have to sometimes forget that we are just atoms, and live. Sometimes it’s going to suck, and sometimes it will be amazing, but if we are constantly thinking that were just atoms, and that nothing human really matters, then were going to miss life as it walks right past us. We can’t ignore it either. If we ignore the fact that we are just atoms, and we think our sometimes disgusting human thoughts, then we will ruin some precious lives. If we ignore the fact that we are, after all, just groups of particles, then we run the risk of having thoughts like “love is supposed to be between a man and a woman”. And these decisions can destroy happiness for others, which could lead to a lot of people not having a whole life.

We should be conscious of the fact that we are just collections of atoms, but not consumed by it.

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